Why Dont You All Understand Me?

How is it felt when your beloved parents do not understand you and scolded you in the public? How is it felt when you are so disappointed and sad until you have to cry in the public? Just because you guys are too disappointed with 2nd sister that you all have to give me such pressure and stress? How you all think of it before? Can I take the stress? Have I done my best? I swear to you all that I had done my best in all the major and minor exams in college and I took all of those seriously. I am happy and satisfied with my results but why do you all have to compare with others.

“Because you are the most stupid among three sisters. If you still can’t show us your best performance in UTAR, I think it would be better you stop studying and start working.” What would you all feel when your parents said this to you? I knew that from the very beginning I was not your favorite daughter, but I had never ever known that I was that bad and useless in your heart. No matter what had 2nd sister did to hurt you all, she is still forgiven. Still remember those days she stopped studying and went to Singapore without acknowledging you all until you had to find out from the University? And now that she has graduated from the University after being persuaded by you all. I know that you guys are really on top of the world even though she could not get first class honour. But for you all, as long as she has completed her study, this is the best gift ever. She claimed that she would never work as a chemist and remain jobless after graduation, enjoying and doing nothing. Without failing, she always gets what she wants. You guys are willing to let her study bout hair designing and something on cosmetics. How lucky she is.

What about me? I have always asked the least from you all. I do not dare to ask for extra money from you all. I have done my part well and study hard so that I will not disappoint you guys like what 2nd sister did. Just because I could not score 4.0 in my exam, I have to be blamed? Still remember that day when I got my SPM result? I could not score Full A’s. I could only get 9 A’s. Mum had teased me with lots of bad words saying that I m stupid among my friends. Why could Melissa(my eldest sis) scored Full A’s and why could not you? I admit that I am not really that smart and intelligent but I have done my best.

I haven’t entered Utar yet but you guys have already made me feel that bad. I lack of confidence and motivation to go further. As no matter what have I done, I am still the most stupid child in the family.

Mom and dad, I appreciate what you all have done for me. I have already done my best in my study. I just hate it when you all have to compare me with Melissa and some of my friends. Sometimes I feel bad too. And that is why I had always strived hard to get scholarship so that I could reduce you burden for dad is retired. It does not always mean that when you guys are not observing me I am not studying. I am already 19, and I know my responsibilities pretty well. I just hope that you all can understand me better. I don’t know the way to tell you all my feelings as before I could tell anything, I will be scolded. For what ever reason, I still love you all much more that I love myself.